Grace Eventually

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

By Anne Lamott...

"At twenty-one, I still believed that if you could only get to see sunrise at Stonehenge, or full moon at the Taj Mahal, you would be nabbed by the truth. And then you would be well and able to relax and feel fully alive. But I actually knew a few true things: I had figured out that truth and freedom were pretty much the same. And that almsot everyone was struggling to wake up, to be loved, and not feel so afraid all the time. That's what the cars, degrees, booze, and drugs were about."

"I learned mostly from drugs and great books.: I was a lifelong reading girl. I already believed that there was something in me that could not be touched or destroyed that you could call my soul. And I was part of two wings of the community-the smartest, funniest alcoholics and the seekers, who had designed lives based on spiritual values and tried to live up to them. I loved equally reading the great literature and getting wasted."

(about the wailing wall) " See, somtimes, if you are lucky, you get a point where you're sick of a problem, or worn down by tinkering with it, or clutching it. And letting it go, maybe writing it down and sending it away, buys you some time and space, so maybe freedom and humor sneak in-which is probably what you were praying for all along."

Where has my baby gone?

Just adding some entries from my old blog so I have them in one place.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

All of the sudden I am the mother of a boy. My baby is gone. I'm not sure when or how it happened but he is gone. I am reminded all the time...in a million little ways that time is flying by. For instance, he decided that he no longer kisses me. Only hugs. He gives me the exasperated....Mooooooooooooooooommmmmm when I embarass or annoy him now. He wants to know how to spell words. He even sleeps in his own bed without too much complaint these days. He is constantly demonstrating how smart he is and reasons like a true lawyer to be.
And then...there are days like friday. We were standing in the hall and I was zipping up his footed pj's. The soft snuggly ones that I love...that he has worn since he was a newborn and I am thrilled that they now make them in big boy sizes. I'm feeling all nostalgic when he exclaims...

MOM, WATCH MY NUTS!

Yes, my friends, his nuts. I about had a heart attack. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry or scold him so I calmly fought back laughter(which is more than I can say for Chad!) and asked where on earth he learned about nuts. He said his friend Alex, shrugged his shoulders and headed down the stairs. My baby.
And the worst part is...I know that it has only just begun.