Results were released yesterday. I did it. Really did. Even with the baby and bedrest and all the nonsense. I did it.
Its over.
I pulled my old blog to look back at when the journey was just beginning.
Oh how far Ive come...
Thursday, August 16, 2007
I'm a big girl now..
Current mood: accomplished
So...today is the big day. My new adventure begins. Officially begins. Opening Convocation Ceremony at Capital Law School. Oath of Professionalism. Presentation of the Gavels. All sounds very important, doesn't it? I bought a new suit yesterday. New purse and shoes are on the to do list for today. Even at 29 years old, it feels like I am playing dress up! But I'm not. I AM DOING THIS. Really doing it. Chasing a dream that I haven't been brave enough to chase or fool enough to let go. It has been floating around since I was a kid. And the time is now.
I have found myself in panic this week. Feeling overwhelmed by the specifics of law school and the curveballs life is throwing at me. Seriously feeling like I was in over my head and wanting to run home. Run somewhere. Somewhere familiar. Where I know something for certain. Where I feel safe and in control...even if I'm not. But today the tides turn and I chose to have a better attitude and focus on the amazing opportunity at hand. And give myself enough credit to know that I will be fine. And remember the most growth and the greatest treasures always come when you stretch yourself past all that is comfortable...push yourself to the brink of panic...take a deep breath and step forward anyway.
7:42 AM
Sunday, November 11, 2007
1L
Current mood: determined
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers
1L is what first year law students are called. I keep trying to explain to my friends and family who are in the "real world" rather than the alter existence known as law school, what its really like or why I can't go to things or just what all the fuss is about. I have failed miserably in doing so but last night I picked up the classic book "1L" that tells the tale of a 1st year law student in the 70's. I planned to read it over Christmas break but I read a few pages before I fell asleep last night. Alot has changed since the 70's but in the preface I found my explanation that perfectly captured how i feel...
" By Friday my will will be so brittle from sleeplessness and pressure and intellectual fatigue that I will not be certain I can make it through the day. After years off, I have begun to smoke cigarettes again; lately, I seem to be drinking a little every night. I do not have time to read a novel or a magazine, and I am so far removed from the news of world events that I often feel as if I have fallen off the dark side of the planet. I am distracted at most times and have difficulty keeping up a conversation, even with my wife. At random instants, I am likely to be strictened with acute feelings of panic, depression, indefinite need, and the pep talks and irony I practice on myself only seem to make it worse.
I am a law student in my first year at the law, and there are many moments when I am simply a mess."
8:49 AM
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Ongoing thoughts...1L
Current mood: productive
I love the feeling of reading something that explains exactly how I feel....only better than I ever could've. I have a feeling that this book is going to be full of those and I am only on page 17(but why am I reading this instead of typing contract notes???) I think I am going to record them here as I go....just to have them to look back on.
9/3/75(near midnight)
"Tried tonight to read a case for the first time. It is harder than hell...
(text ommitted)
OK. It was nine o'clock when I started reading. The case is four pages long and at 10:35 I finished. It was something like stirring concrete with my eyelashes. I had no idea what half the worlds meant. I must have opened Blacks Law Dictionary 25 times and I still can't understand many of the definitions. There are notations and numbers throughout the case whose purpose baffles me. And even now I'm not crystal clear on what the court finally decided to do. ...
(text ommitted)
Twenty minutes ago, I threw up my hands and quit. I feel overheated and a little bit nervous. I wouldn't be quite so upset if I weren't going to be reading cases every day and if understanding them weren't so important.
(text ommitted)
Well, tonight, the common law has prevailed over me, beaten me back. I suppose it will not be the last time, I feel frustrated and disturbed.
I am going to sleep."
9:35 AM
Its over.
I pulled my old blog to look back at when the journey was just beginning.
Oh how far Ive come...
Thursday, August 16, 2007
I'm a big girl now..
Current mood: accomplished
So...today is the big day. My new adventure begins. Officially begins. Opening Convocation Ceremony at Capital Law School. Oath of Professionalism. Presentation of the Gavels. All sounds very important, doesn't it? I bought a new suit yesterday. New purse and shoes are on the to do list for today. Even at 29 years old, it feels like I am playing dress up! But I'm not. I AM DOING THIS. Really doing it. Chasing a dream that I haven't been brave enough to chase or fool enough to let go. It has been floating around since I was a kid. And the time is now.
I have found myself in panic this week. Feeling overwhelmed by the specifics of law school and the curveballs life is throwing at me. Seriously feeling like I was in over my head and wanting to run home. Run somewhere. Somewhere familiar. Where I know something for certain. Where I feel safe and in control...even if I'm not. But today the tides turn and I chose to have a better attitude and focus on the amazing opportunity at hand. And give myself enough credit to know that I will be fine. And remember the most growth and the greatest treasures always come when you stretch yourself past all that is comfortable...push yourself to the brink of panic...take a deep breath and step forward anyway.
7:42 AM
Sunday, November 11, 2007
1L
Current mood: determined
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers
1L is what first year law students are called. I keep trying to explain to my friends and family who are in the "real world" rather than the alter existence known as law school, what its really like or why I can't go to things or just what all the fuss is about. I have failed miserably in doing so but last night I picked up the classic book "1L" that tells the tale of a 1st year law student in the 70's. I planned to read it over Christmas break but I read a few pages before I fell asleep last night. Alot has changed since the 70's but in the preface I found my explanation that perfectly captured how i feel...
" By Friday my will will be so brittle from sleeplessness and pressure and intellectual fatigue that I will not be certain I can make it through the day. After years off, I have begun to smoke cigarettes again; lately, I seem to be drinking a little every night. I do not have time to read a novel or a magazine, and I am so far removed from the news of world events that I often feel as if I have fallen off the dark side of the planet. I am distracted at most times and have difficulty keeping up a conversation, even with my wife. At random instants, I am likely to be strictened with acute feelings of panic, depression, indefinite need, and the pep talks and irony I practice on myself only seem to make it worse.
I am a law student in my first year at the law, and there are many moments when I am simply a mess."
8:49 AM
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Ongoing thoughts...1L
Current mood: productive
I love the feeling of reading something that explains exactly how I feel....only better than I ever could've. I have a feeling that this book is going to be full of those and I am only on page 17(but why am I reading this instead of typing contract notes???) I think I am going to record them here as I go....just to have them to look back on.
9/3/75(near midnight)
"Tried tonight to read a case for the first time. It is harder than hell...
(text ommitted)
OK. It was nine o'clock when I started reading. The case is four pages long and at 10:35 I finished. It was something like stirring concrete with my eyelashes. I had no idea what half the worlds meant. I must have opened Blacks Law Dictionary 25 times and I still can't understand many of the definitions. There are notations and numbers throughout the case whose purpose baffles me. And even now I'm not crystal clear on what the court finally decided to do. ...
(text ommitted)
Twenty minutes ago, I threw up my hands and quit. I feel overheated and a little bit nervous. I wouldn't be quite so upset if I weren't going to be reading cases every day and if understanding them weren't so important.
(text ommitted)
Well, tonight, the common law has prevailed over me, beaten me back. I suppose it will not be the last time, I feel frustrated and disturbed.
I am going to sleep."
9:35 AM
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