Looking back...moving forward

The last few weeks have been a serious time of reflection for me. It was no secret that bedrest for so long really did a number on my life and with that a nasty depression set in. Some of it lifted once the baby was born but it didn't disappear like I had hoped. I still had this anxious, bitter, short tempered thing brewing under the surface. The Bar Exam kept me distracted but once it was over...it was just me...being a me that I didn't like very much. I gave it a little time and space but instead of passing...it just festered.

I started working through The Artist Way again. The last time I did it was during one of the roughest patches in my life and I came out the other side stronger. I figured when all else fails, do what worked before? Well...that simple thought lead to big revelations.

What did I do before when I felt like my entire life had fallen apart, money was beyond tight and I had no idea when and if things were going to come together?

I took care of myself. I wrote, I ran, I took some time of out each week to do little things just for me. I focused on the things I had control over and could make better. I was strong and fit and happy! Even before things came together. I was happy in spite of the circumstances and even happier when life's tides turned.

So how was it that in the worst time of my life I was the kindest to myself?

Then the other pieces of my life slowly fell into place...one by one and I slowly stopped doing all of things that I was doing to keep me in my happy place. As life got better and better...the things out of my control...I stopped doing the things in my control. I didn't run, I didn't write, I didn't do a thing for myself. Results? A bitter, jaded, moody momma. No one wants to live with that. Regardless of finances, job stresses or whatever else life has dealt...I can still run. I can still write. I can still do the little things that keep me in my happy place. Simple yet life changing when implemented.

So I started writing. I started doing a few of the little things. I just finished reading Run Like a Mother. So tomorrow the alarm is set for 5am and I am claiming some me time before the boys are even out of bed. Returning to my happy place.