Waiting

I am not a very patient person. Some of my biggest mistakes in life have been made when I should've been patient. My Dad tried to make me see that a long time ago. Not knowing what to do or what is going to happen is one of my biggest fear and I didn't even realize it. I don't wait around and stress. I take control of the situation (or so I thought!) and make a decision and go with it 110%. That was my solution. I no longer had to wait and see what happened. I pick something and JUMP. I make something happen.

Seems like a good enough idea. Problem is...it was often the WRONG thing that I made happen. IF I had just been patient, things would have come together differently. Or I would've seen things differently. But no...I somehow became my own worst enemy. I JUMP.

So the last few years I have really been working on this. I stumbled across the quote a couple summers back that stuck with me...

"Be still. Be still until you know what you know and feel what you feel. "

Simple enough. That would solve alot of my problems. Save me from myself perhaps. But it doesn't come naturally. I constantly have to check myself.

And just when I think I have it all figured out...God reminds me that I don't.

I am fairly sure that I entertain him at times. I do try. But sometimes I am like the dog that chases his tail. So He reminds me when I am not being patient. And He steps in on occasion and saves me from myself.

At the moment, I am waiting to hear from 2 job interviews. The first was a done deal...or so I thought. Perphaps I misunderstood but I thought all that was left to do was iron out the $ piece of it. And I am still waiting on the details. Trying to be patient. Uggghhhh. Then I go to another interview, thinking it was just a back up plan. And found myself amazed as the topics turned to my interests exactly. And a potential project that I could get really excited about. So what will I do? Which would I chose? What will they pay? Which am I supposed to do? Will either of them work out? Then today, purely by happenstance, or so it would seem, I chat with a lady whose family member works at a company that I didn't even know existed...and is yet another possibility to persue. Maybe a better fit yet!

I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to do and it seems that God has spent the last week proving to me that, in fact, I do not. That I need to just be patient and let some things play out. See what comes together. Try to do a little damage control before making a rash decision and JUMP...all because I don't want to be patient.